Heart of the Matter| Adam and Eve

I remember as a teenager reading the Bible and being very confused/conflicted about 4 initial Bible stories:

1. Adam and Eve
2. Cain and Able
3. Abraham and Sarah
4. Esau and Jacob

This post will only cover Adam and Eve.

It’s interesting how all of these include at least two people and not one in each scenario, but they all confused me in their own way- at least initially. Furthermore, when two or more people are involved in ANYTHING, sometimes it feels like you are on a rollercoaster because you can only truly control your actions not the other persons.

I felt like “justice” was not served, or that in some cases, a certain party was not treated fairly by God and I wondered WHY God made the decisions that he made—not just because he is God but just by reason.

Let’s start with Adam and Eve:

These two were the first bone of bone, fresh of flesh, husband and wife– as Adam cleaved to thy wife. True soul mates and VERY connected with God– so connected they could hear Him in the wind and speak to Him directly. God told them what was what—saying the tree of good and evil stay away from and do not eat and tree of life is ok–eat and live forever.

Confusion/misconception:

(1) I was confused why God seemed the punish Eve the most and the snake the least— he just got to be the lowest in the animal kingdom, crawl on his belly and #2 and Adam becomes a leader inspite of being a follower.

(2) I was extremely confused about this verse as well in particular: “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel“- Genesis 3:15

Clarity/Wisdom/Understanding:

(1) I missed this when I was a kid—that the tree of life and the tree of good and evil were NOT the same and one they were given permission to eat of and the other they were not. The tree of life wasn’t just living forever but it was that connection–that direct connection that we/they had with God, which after Obedience, was taken away from them/us.

(2) I was shown this in a vision/dream about 2 years ago (recorded via audio) that gave me clarity on this situation directly. Although the vision given to me was extremely vivid–it was of an ancient writing that I could not read/understand but what kept being repeated to me once I was fully awake was– “Letter to Phillip; a letter from Peter” and the vision after I was shown the script was of a wheel inside of a wheel with mutliple eyes in the shape of an “8“- what I would say by description reminded me of Ezekiel’s vision.

Once I researched, I came directly across an ancient script. The writings looked similar to what I had seen in my vision/dream. I had no prior knowledge that this script existed and, of course, there are a lot of sacred text that the “catholic clergy” decided was not good enough to be considered the word of God but this was what I was shown and discovered through a dream/vision from God as to what the physical manifestation looked like of the spiritual implication of what Adam and Eve did and how the verse above spoke of disdain for snakes that most people have in general but also how Christ plays a pivotal role in the restoration of power that was ONCE taken away the day satan sucessfully deceived Adam and Eve.

See: http://gnosis.org/naghamm/letpet.html

Listening For the Voice of God

It can be difficult, in the beginning. You’re not sure of which way to go. You’re wondering if you’re are just “talking to yourself“, having “wishful” thinking, just lying to yourself because of what you desire…it can be difficult to decipher these things.

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Here are some key things I want you to remember when you are listening for God’s voice (His voice is often subtle yet always profound):

1. Know who you are in Christ and never question it.
   1. Some of us are saved and we hear words being spoken and actions taken aka “baptisms” but we do not fully understand the actions we are taking or the indications and covering that happens once this is done. Our ignorance often hinders us in life, in general, but most certainly spiritually. Those who are born again in Christ are believers in God and his Son and the Holy Spirit. We sit (SAVED), even in our now physical bodies, at the right hand of His throne spiritually. Nothing and no one can change that unless we decide we no longer believe, follow His Word or dwell in God’s house.
2. Does it hit you in the stomach like a punch to the gut?
   1. Everytime and I do mean EVERYTIME, I’ve had a gut feeling that punched (it literally feels like a punch) me regarding a situation it was always and I do mean ALWAYS right. It happens so infrequently (for me) that once it actually does happen, you remember it in vivid detail. Those gut feelings are from God. They are often warnings where you may not have had direction and clarity, you are then given it. Take it! I know it can be hard to take things in a literal way that you can’t clearly explain or see or completely understand without all the pieces of the puzzle in place (having evidence you can touch/see) but take it as a blessing because I’ve never found it to be anything other than that when it’s all said and done.
3. Does it line it line up with scripture?
   1. If ever you are not certain of if a Word came from God, compare it to God’s Word itself. His Word does not change and has been purified by fire 7 times (Psalms 12:16). The bible says, test the spirits (1 John: 4).
4. Hold every thought captive.
   1. Some thoughts we have are not from us, neither are they from God. It comes from satan in his endless tricks of trying to discourage you, confuse you, mislead you, and scare you. These are all schemes of the devil. Don’t believe them and do not be discouraged because you hear them. Often this is done to keep you off the right path that God has already set forth for you. Rebuke, bind, and cast away these thoughts in the pits of hell (do this outloud) and Keep going bc thee is a breakthrough coming your way!
5. Keep your own thoughts quiet and PRAY about it.
   1. For me, this has been the toughest part. Sometimes, we want what we want when we want it. We sometimes act too quickly or don’t realize that what God has for us is at our finger tips or just around the corner and we actually prolong things by our ignorant/impatient/unknowledgeable actions. The first thought you get that is quiet, but sure is the one you want to listen to.
6. Filter who you interact with, what you watch and listen to.
   1. In as much as we are physical beings, we ae also spiritual. The things we subject ourselves to affects our spirit man. These things can sometimes open doors of evil rather you realized the danger or not.You may not feel the affects immediately but they will be actualized spiritually and manifest physically in your life.
7. Obey and see positive results from your obedience!

Promises| Great is Your Faithfulness

Cinderella Movie Review 2021-Amazon Prime

Although the classical Cinderella may seem a bit “out dated” in 2021, this 2021 version was VERY off script and not in a good way,

Of course there were the touching times, funny/witty elements, and some of the main elements like in the original movie— kindness, integrity, respect, love, and hard work were still incorporated. HOWEVER, less savvy, and distasteful things were introduced that were just as nasty if not worst than the step mother’s treatment of Cinderella.

A. Fairy God mother turns into Fairy Drag Queen— in this version of Cinderella, “Ella” takes in a caterpillar and provides a safe haven for it with the proper food for the caterpillar to grow and develop into a butterfly. Once it becomes a butterfly, it then transforms to a drag queen. Imagine the BEAUTIFUL transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly being the manifestation of a DRAG QUEEN. The NATURAL transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly was taken to new, yet extremely artificial AND petty levels with a drag queen as the result of this transformation– especially considering the the very heterosexual nature of a butterfly and their matting process. This is a an attempt to make something that is very unnatural, appear as “normal” or appeasing in some manner.

B. Choosing between being her own boss vs being a “queen” married to a prince who will become “king”-– This is a an “age” old struggle for which most of us would classify as “feminist” Ideology. In this version of Cinderella, females are told that they should chose what they want in life in regard to their dreams (college, sewing, modelling, etc) as opposed to “settling” for the “family life“. Although I do not think a woman should have to “settle” for one or the other—they should be able to have both (as many of us do). Now, I am not BLIND to the fact that we are set back in the king/queen dynasty era where tradition was VERY FIRM but—- ya gave me a DRAG QUEEN FAIRY GOD MOTHER—why couldn’t she have BOTH a life of luxury with a family, husband, and kids WHILE STILL pursuing her OWN talents–perhaps carving the way for fellow women to do something similar? What good would it be for a woman to accomplish such things in the workplace without anyone (ex. children) to carry her own values/ideas/linage and what greater influence would she have had as a QUEEN over someone who is just simply out to make a “name” for themselves? I think it’s because this movie had it’s own negative agendas that those things were not at all considered in the making of this movie.

C. Making a very clear choice of “Blurred Lines”— Near the end of this movie, there is a moment where the Prince, in order to be with “Ella” says that he does not even want to BE king and that it’s his choice rather or not he chooses the role of “king” or not. Historically, the role of “king” was place on the eldest son of the king to “carry the torch” so to speak. There is a sense of obligation here but with this obligation comes wealth and power, so most people in this position hurriedly took this role; the role was even fought over at times with a younger sibling or illegitimate sibling(s). He decides that he will “follow” Ella and give up kingship since if he were to become king, she would not be able to pursue her dream as a seamstress. Seems fair and sweet/loving right? Except they do NOT get married in this version of Ella and instead or are just “lovers” or “in love” for the time-— they don’t need to put a “title” on it. This is classic confusion/disillusion/ just go with the flow, non commitment —anything goes “talk”.

These days we are bombarded with the idea of NOT settling down…2 people live together for decades without marriage, have kids out of wedlock habitually and those who chose NOT to do this are looked at as if WE are the ones living in sin in this respect. Most people see themselves either “single or married” even IF they are in a committed relationship with someone. If they are not married, then they are “single” and if they are sleeping with multiple women/men, it is OK BC they are NOT married. Not being willing to give up some aspect of what one would deem “freedom” is equivalent to not being able to let go some of aspect of your “ego“–which is merely a satan concerned illusion.

The TRUTH is men and women with this ideology are NOT wife/husband material and likely exponentially stunted in growth spiritually (too busy living in the world and not in line/in tune with their spiritual being to see/adhere to/ understand truth , which is MUCH more important than their physical being) because greater chances are the chances that EVEN IF they are married, they will still feel at liberty to sleep around ,when the “feeling” comes to them. Some of us live solely in the world, while others of us live in the spirit and use this body as a means of passage—you do have to choose. There is NO “luke warm” –way of passage.

Some of us will take any role willing to pay the right amount of money OR the role that seems more “popular‘ at the time—regardless of the outcome or character. Which one will YOU chose?

Timeless Illusion

How precious is your time? Be mindful of who you spend time with and what you spend most of your time doing—- time is something you can never stop nor can you ever get it back. It’s a timeless illusion.

Consider the fact that time only seems to slow itself down when we are in a very negative/sad/depressing place-–yet when we are in a happier, joyful, beautiful place–-time seems fleeting. Why is this? They say time flies when you’re having fun. How can one slow time in these positive moments, the way it slows naturally in the more depressing/sad circumstance?

I think the answer to this question lies in who and WHERE you are emotionally. If we were to be as sensitive, vulnerable, feeling, open, authentic, and raw (and challenge those around us in those happy times to do the same) as most people typically are when tragedy strikes, one would get the same effect but in a positive situation.

They say, “live in the moment“—no, that’s what makes those moments fleeting and mostly vague in our memories. To “live” is “muscle memory“, we often go through life without thinking, without savoring, without much thought or feeling unless we feel some trigger– merely going through the motions.

I say digest the moments, immerse yourself in them completely. Some may fear that by doing this, the “other shoe may drop” but this is not the truth, it’s strictly fear based. If the shoe were going to drop—it will rather you did this or not. Take the time to appreciate what is actually happening instead of just diving in for the ride; this does take some very conscious effort but it is very possible and time will seem to slow itself like it does naturally when we are in a negative state of mind if some steady, conscious effort is put forth.

Time is just as certain as death, but much less compassionate until you fully appreciate what it brings. It marches on through the melancholy no matter how painful and joyous times, no matter the rhyme or reason, and if you get caught up in the wrong situation with the wrong people— you’ll find yourself deeply regretting the energy and time spent put forth in something/someone that turned out to be completely fruitless and unable to regain any of the time loss..

Be certain the people and things that occupy your time are completely worth it—whatever the test, whatever the rigor. It’s worth it.

Proverb|הֵד

Let it go. Do not hold on to people/things longer than what’s necessary to heal.  In not doing so, you inflict more damage on yourself, and what could have been a small, barely visible scar is now a huge, still sensitive wound with excessive scar tissue–that was never allowed to fully heal.

Toxic Personality Types

They go by many names:

Type A personalities| Overly Blunt people|Extroverts| Energy Vampires

Depending on your answers to the questions below, and if you’ve answered very honestly, then you most likely have a toxic personality. There are underlying reasons why people develop in this way and it’s not due to strong character, great self confidence and perseverance, etc—it’s usually quite the opposite. They feel inadequate in many ways, so they overcompensate by trying to be over the top, attention seekers all of the time.

Before I go further, I want to be clear, this post is not meant to be mean or bash anyone; it’s a post to inform and create awareness and maybe open the eyes of some, who may have been walking around this whole time with their the eyes shut–most likely out of a defense mechanism they developed as a child. Some common traumas are abandonment issues, general insecurity no matter what form, and lack of accountability.

Not all defense mechanisms are good—they may have helped you to get through something temporarily but depending on your answers to these questions below, it did not actually help you resolve the problem because you are still carrying around a crap load of baggage–quite in plain sight to others, though you may be completely oblivious that it is so visible to those around you. Some are worse than others, but they all suffer the same condition. The first step is awareness, then action, so that some healing can take place, but you’ll have to go into a deep dark place of vulnerability and honesty to get that complete healing since you’ve only been covering/masking up as a meager means of compensation.

Questions:

1. Can you have an opinion and respect other people’s opinion as well, when logical, factual, and sound, even though it may differ from your own?
   • Most toxic personalities do not respect other people’s opinions when it differs from their own. In fact, they will try to find any and every reason to interject and persuade why their opinion is right and the other person’s opinion is wrong. They have a need to feel as if they are always right, no matter the expense. Any and everything is always up for immediate debate—if you disagree with them.
2. Are you annoyed by others talking in a group setting, in spite of your own conversation, or do you feel as if everyone and everything should revolve around you and your conversation?
   • Inevitably, the attention must always or very close to always be on these people or they get annoyed and will try to either drag you into their conversation as well OR join into your conversation with them as the new main speaker because they crave to be the center of attention at all time.
3. In a group setting among friends, colleagues, or family when there is a decision to be made about where the outing will held and you are the one who spearheads the group (naturally, right?), do you ask others where they would like the outing to be OR do you give them options you have already picked and most likely already decided on in spite of you asking?
   • This is classic. Most toxic people are also very selfish and want to feel as if they are in control of others (often because they lack much self control within themselves or in their personal lives) even with small things such as this, and although they may outwardly appear, at times, to be generous or considerate, they have already decided on where the group will go and also where they will not be going even if they asked for others opinions. They only want it to appear as if they care about your opinion. They are only hoping the majority will agree (remember they are always right) on what they have already internally decided on. If by chance the majority does not agree, then they will try their best to sway the general opinion as to why they should go to the place they had in mind all along and not where the majority wanted to go. In general, they tend to be very manipulative/cunning in their interactions with others.
4. Are the conversations you have with people almost exclusively about you ? Do you find yourself getting bored when the topic is NOT about you?
   • Imagine, if you will, having to listen to someone talk about themselves whenever you engage in conversations or have any interaction with them. They do not consider what you want to talk about or how you are feeling or your day or what is going on with you and those around you; even when they do ask about you, its only in passing , almost as a formality, but not out of real curiosity or concern; they simply only care about themselves and letting you know all of their troubles, woes, joys, and victories. They enjoy being nurtured but do not nurture in their relationships or friendships—and have a very hard time doing so. They generally are takers.
5. Do you choose your relationships with people based on what the person can do for you and/or what you can get out of the relationship or person?
   • Now, someone may argue that everyone, regardless of their personality, chooses people based on this. I would counter that by saying that is simply not true. Although we all make decisions on our friends and partners based on mutual compatibility (ex. common hobbies/goals, good communication, mental compatibility, physical attractiveness, etc) not everyone makes decisions based on WHAT a person can DO for them–ex. financially, emotionally, career wise. These are not factors driven by love, common interest, and mutual respect, those are factors driven by greed and selfishness. In a good relationship, both people are bringing good things to the table, not out of benefits, but out of love and mutual respect for eachother. Toxic people are always draining others of energy—rather that comes in the form of money, emotions, time, and/or influence.

Sleep Paralysis|Intro

When I was around 17-18, I had my first experience with this. It nearly scared me so much that I did not want to sleep, but first, I wasn’t so sure that I wasn’t just dreaming. In order to figure this out, I had my alarm clock facing my bed and the next time it happened, I was able to actually see the time change—-the first time it was 9:10 am, then it was 9:23 am, then 9:40 am before I was finally able to completely wake up and it was 10 am by that point.

What is Sleep paralysis?

—well, if you look at the scientific term you will find:

a state, during waking up or falling asleep, in which a person is aware but unable to move or speak. During an episode, one may hallucinate (hear, feel, or see things that are not there), which often results in fear. Episodes generally last less than a couple of minutes.

(Reference from Wiki)

Well, let me tell you something, nearly an hour is not a couple of minutes and I do not believe these are hallucinations and I do not believe it has anything to do with “sleep hygiene” among many other things suggested (more on this in another post).

Although I was initially afraid because during this time, I felt as if someone was holding me down and the only thing I could do is maybe move my head left and right. When I tried to talk or scream out to a family member I saw walking down the hall–-they heard nothing–even though I was trying to scream with all my might—my voice was stifled.

I set out on a mission to find out why this was happening and why hadn’t everyone experienced it. There are 2 important things I found when researching this among random people, family, and friends:

1. Those who experience this were usually more deeply spiritually inclined OR sensitive and those who did not generally were not deeply spiritually inclined OR sensitive. When I say sensitive I mean people who tend to notice things MOST others don’t—like empaths and/or introverts.
2. When the episodes happened, there is typically a location/s) trigger (sleeping in certain locations ex on the couch or at a certain individuals house/room), sleep position(s) trigger (sleeping on the back or side/ belly), or life event(s) trigger (ex. new people/friends or associates that you have been around or new places you’ve been exposed to)

My next post on this will uncover more in depth on the spiritual basis for this and why what you are feeling and seeing are not hallucinations and all the other wild things science says to compensate for it’s lack of spiritual understanding.

SO WILL I

The lyrics to this song as well as the sound/background music is very beautifully made and most certainly spirit filled. I remember the first time I heard this song, I was on a road trip and it was pouring with rain, and I could hardly see, although I had slowed down, I had become a bit fearful. I saw a 18 wheeler on the side of the highway that had lost control in the rain. The song was really the only thing that kept me grounded, gave me strength in faith, kept me calm enough to continue through it because it was a very rough storm and I was in a tiny car as the wind and rain beat harshly all around it. The lyrics of this song goes through depths I’ve not heard from any other.

Check out the Video and lyrics below:

God of creation
There at the start
Before the beginning of time
With no point of reference
You spoke to the dark
And fleshed out the wonder of light

And as You speak
A hundred billion galaxies are born
In the vapor of Your breath the planets form
If the stars were made to worship so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve made
Every burning star
A signal fire of grace
If creation sings Your praises so will I

God of Your promise
You don’t speak in vain
No syllable empty or void
For once You have spoken
All nature and science
Follow the sound of Your voice

And as You speak
A hundred billion creatures catch Your breath
Evolving in pursuit of what You said
If it all reveals Your nature so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You say
Every painted sky
A canvas of Your grace
If creation still obeys You so will I
So will I
So will I

If the stars were made to worship so will I
If the mountains bow in reverence so will I
If the oceans roar Your greatness so will I
For if everything exists to lift You high so will I
If the wind goes where You send it so will I
If the rocks cry out in silence so will I
If the sum of all our praises still falls shy
Then we’ll sing again a hundred billion times

God of salvation
You chased down my heart
Through all of my failure and pride
On a hill You created
The light of the world
Abandoned in darkness to die

And as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender so will I
I can see Your heart
Eight billion different ways
Every precious one
A child You died to save
If You gave Your life to love them so will I

Like You would again a hundred billion times
But what measure could amount to Your desire
You’re the One who never leaves the one behind

Deja Vu| Encounters

This phrase translates literally to “already seen“.

Having had this feeling multiple times through out my life, I’m in my mid- late 3os, so I have ALOT to say about it and a lot of experience with this. I’ll start with the senses. They truly are the most important– I can not stress this enough.

Hearing: Word Trigger. This is one of the two most common for me. There are times when I will hear a word or phrase from a certain individual/ group of people, read something in an article etc that triggers the whole thing. It’s as if I’m in another time and I can remember being in this EXACT moment before….

Seeing: around these EXACT people in this space and time. I look around myself quickly and recognize this scene, these faces, the color of a shirt, the scenario exactly at it is. Sometimes it’s an image that is the trigger that sends my memory into a cascade of events BEFORE they actually happen. In fact, I can also sense and just know exactly what is about to be said and done and WHY. Sometimes it is negative and sometime it is positive and sometimes it seems to have little to no IMMEDIATE effect (neutral). Sometimes, especially in the negative, it does not play out all the way as I thought. This is very important because we battle not with flesh and blood but with rulers and principalities in high places (Ephesians 6:12). During these times in particular, without explanation or reason nor logic, I am able to see people’s real/true intentions in spite of what they may try to portray. I know that when I am having these deja vu events that I am on the correct path. “Seeing” is the other of the most common for me.

Touch: It has been in a hug or an intimate setting that this has manifested through touch in my experience. I’m hugging or touching someone for the first time but it feels as if we have hugged each other a thousands times before, and it’s not just about comfort, as a series of eerie known event unfold. There is an extremely deep familiarity and connection that exist that, at least in theory, should not.

Smell: This is perhaps the more rare of the my deja vu experiences but I have had it before. A smell that is not familiar to me, seems familiar to me and triggers events that seem to unfold right in front of my eyes. It could be the smell of someone’s perfume or cologne or the smell of a flower I’ve never actually smelled before, the smell of a certain dish that I’ve never smelled before in waking life etc.

Taste: I’ve never experienced deja vu through anything that I’ve tasted at this point.

When these events happen, which tend to be often for me, other doors (positive/good) are opened and I know that this is a new chapter/journey for me OR a new revelation in my current chapter/journey. It wasn’t until I was deeply in my spiritual walk with God that this started happening to me on a fairly regular basis.