They go by many names:
Type A personalities| Overly Blunt people|Extroverts| Energy Vampires
Depending on your answers to the questions below, and if you’ve answered very honestly, then you most likely have a toxic personality. There are underlying reasons why people develop in this way and it’s not due to strong character, great self confidence and perseverance, etc—it’s usually quite the opposite. They feel inadequate in many ways, so they overcompensate by trying to be over the top, attention seekers all of the time.
Before I go further, I want to be clear, this post is not meant to be mean or bash anyone; it’s a post to inform and create awareness and maybe open the eyes of some, who may have been walking around this whole time with their the eyes shut–most likely out of a defense mechanism they developed as a child. Some common traumas are abandonment issues, general insecurity no matter what form, and lack of accountability.
Not all defense mechanisms are good—they may have helped you to get through something temporarily but depending on your answers to these questions below, it did not actually help you resolve the problem because you are still carrying around a crap load of baggage–quite in plain sight to others, though you may be completely oblivious that it is so visible to those around you. Some are worse than others, but they all suffer the same condition. The first step is awareness, then action, so that some healing can take place, but you’ll have to go into a deep dark place of vulnerability and honesty to get that complete healing since you’ve only been covering/masking up as a meager means of compensation.
Questions:
- Can you have an opinion and respect other people’s opinion as well, when logical, factual, and sound, even though it may differ from your own?
- Most toxic personalities do not respect other people’s opinions when it differs from their own. In fact, they will try to find any and every reason to interject and persuade why their opinion is right and the other person’s opinion is wrong. They have a need to feel as if they are always right, no matter the expense. Any and everything is always up for immediate debate—if you disagree with them.
- Are you annoyed by others talking in a group setting, in spite of your own conversation, or do you feel as if everyone and everything should revolve around you and your conversation?
- Inevitably, the attention must always or very close to always be on these people or they get annoyed and will try to either drag you into their conversation as well OR join into your conversation with them as the new main speaker because they crave to be the center of attention at all time.
- In a group setting among friends, colleagues, or family when there is a decision to be made about where the outing will held and you are the one who spearheads the group (naturally, right?), do you ask others where they would like the outing to be OR do you give them options you have already picked and most likely already decided on in spite of you asking?
- This is classic. Most toxic people are also very selfish and want to feel as if they are in control of others (often because they lack much self control within themselves or in their personal lives) even with small things such as this, and although they may outwardly appear, at times, to be generous or considerate, they have already decided on where the group will go and also where they will not be going even if they asked for others opinions. They only want it to appear as if they care about your opinion. They are only hoping the majority will agree (remember they are always right) on what they have already internally decided on. If by chance the majority does not agree, then they will try their best to sway the general opinion as to why they should go to the place they had in mind all along and not where the majority wanted to go. In general, they tend to be very manipulative/cunning in their interactions with others.
- Are the conversations you have with people almost exclusively about you ? Do you find yourself getting bored when the topic is NOT about you?
- Imagine, if you will, having to listen to someone talk about themselves whenever you engage in conversations or have any interaction with them. They do not consider what you want to talk about or how you are feeling or your day or what is going on with you and those around you; even when they do ask about you, its only in passing , almost as a formality, but not out of real curiosity or concern; they simply only care about themselves and letting you know all of their troubles, woes, joys, and victories. They enjoy being nurtured but do not nurture in their relationships or friendships—and have a very hard time doing so. They generally are takers.
- Do you choose your relationships with people based on what the person can do for you and/or what you can get out of the relationship or person?
- Now, someone may argue that everyone, regardless of their personality, chooses people based on this. I would counter that by saying that is simply not true. Although we all make decisions on our friends and partners based on mutual compatibility (ex. common hobbies/goals, good communication, mental compatibility, physical attractiveness, etc) not everyone makes decisions based on WHAT a person can DO for them–ex. financially, emotionally, career wise. These are not factors driven by love, common interest, and mutual respect, those are factors driven by greed and selfishness. In a good relationship, both people are bringing good things to the table, not out of benefits, but out of love and mutual respect for eachother. Toxic people are always draining others of energy—rather that comes in the form of money, emotions, time, and/or influence.
BLUEBERRY | MOON 